Sometimes I forget how much the
Jewish people have gone through, but touring through Israel, Jansport backpack,
sunglasses, sweat and all, I have been forced to remember. I use the word “forced”
because some of the history I have been presented with is not pleasant and does
not sit well, yet I force it down with the knowledge that it is more painful to
be ignorant.
Touring the City of David, the Old
City, and the underground Kotel tunnels I am presented with years and years of
history that I cannot comprehend nor find a way to relate to. I know that what
I am seeing is my nation’s past and what we hope will be its future, yet I
cannot make it click in my brain that it is thus. I am flooded with memories of
eighth grade Jewish studies curriculum, holidays with the family, and history
lessons, and I know that what I am seeing is a part of my identity, what I have
always been taught, and what I know about myself. Yet I can’t stop thinking
about the heat, my exhaustion, or the gift I want to get for my best friend
back home. I am being presented with the opportunity of a lifetime, to connect
to my cultural and religious roots but I cannot find a way to realize this, engage,
and be awed by the years of history standing in front of me.
Often history is objective because
it is told from the vantage point of the victor, yet when entering the Yad
Veshem holocaust memorial I started to question whether we really ever won. The
tour was overwhelmingly emotional and I could not help but break down and cry
for the pain and suffering my people faced. I noticed that I was able to
connect so easily to this piece of more recent history, and once again was
stuck wondering why I could not comprehend and be moved by my people’s ancient
history.
During the tour I asked our guide
about the symbolism of the triangular shape to the building, his response gave
me the chills, “That’s up for you to decide. The reason that we’re here today
is because people tried to dictate what others thought and how they perceived
things.” At the end of the tour I had several ideas running through my mind
about the triangular shape but the one that stuck out the most was the thought
I had when standing at the end of the building. Looking backwards I had a clear view of the dark grey place
that we had come from, turning around and looking forward I saw a beautiful
lookout point brightly lit by the blazing middle eastern sun and overlooking
the mountains and trees of our Jewish homeland, Israel. In that moment I was
aware that even though I did not experience my nation’s past, it was still
tangible to me, all I had to do was turn around and look. My immediate
emotional connection to the Jewish people’s recent history and my inability to
find the same for the ancient, all came together in that moment. The journey of
the Jewish people is not far off or distant, because it trails me wherever I go;
it lives within me, I just have to remember it’s there. I have to sometimes
pull myself back from the bright future full of life that lies ahead of me and
turn back to the grey journey my people have ventured upon. Remembering it’s
there and what that means to me in terms of my past, present, and future is how
years and years of ancient history can become tangible to me.
I forget how much the Jewish people
have gone through but now I am able to relate to the pain and suffering, the
joy and celebration we have experienced. Starting in the Old City and extending
to me looking out onto the valley from the balcony of Yad Veshem, by realizing
the historic journey lives in me, I have found a way to connect to the history
of my people – to understand, to sympathize, and to learn from.
-Sarah Eylon
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